Attention

Darling I don’t mean to be dismissive 

I just get nervous
If it were up to me I would spend the whole night
Listening to every single one of your stories
Any little detail

Of any little story you wanted to share
I would hang onto every word
Give you every single last bit of my attention 

Watching as your mouth curls
The odd shapes it makes
As the words fall freely from your imperfect lips
Watching as you grit your teeth
A little too hard
When you’re trying to push out the difficult words
Watching as the layers of pain
Start to shed away
As you begin to let in someone new 

Mess

There’s something glorifying about heartbreak

Something over indulgent about it

About the tortured artist

A beautiful space to reconnect with and remember

Who you were before the mess

you could be anyone

I kiss you

But it’s not you I’m kissing

You could be anyone

You could be anyone

You’re no one specific

Just a pair of lips

For me to play pretend with

Just a couple of lips

For me to entertain with

I would never dream.

I would never dream.

Of hurting you the way you hurt me

But baby you didn’t even know it

You didn’t know what kind of deep seeded shit I’ve dealt with in my short life

My internal monologue that pushes me forward

And holds me back just the same

But in other ways.

The amount of pain I’ve put up with and normalised

Over my short life

The amount of people I’ve been forced to forgive

The amount of people I’ve given unwarranted second chances to

The inevitable heartbreak of a broken home

The cause, the effect, the ingrained defeatism. The residual effect. The residual self-hatred.

That I’ve had to shake

And grow from

And make my own mind up about.

I will dream again

It might not be of you

For you

About you

Or with you.

But I will dream again. 

Reliability is subjective

6 December 2017, 10:46pm

When I get to your age 
I can relate to you

Isn't it weird and heart breaking

that we'll never be able to relate 
in the real time and space 
as each other a
at the same time 

Reliability is subjective and dependent 


Ella Fence

Stories

6 December 2017, 11:28pm

Stories happen when things don't go to plan


Ella Fence

Safety

5 December 2017, 7:56pm

I let myself feel everything

So I let myself down

No one else does this to me

It's me 

reflecting me

Diving in deep

Too quick to

Everything

Then retreating, acting too cool

Maybe I prefer to be alone

It's the only time I'm really in control

All my interactions I over think

21 May 2018, 10:17pm

Maybe it's easier being alone

But no, I do not prefer it

and I choose to not give in to that safety

Ella Fence